'My soul is there': freed Israeli hostage dreads for partner still in Gaza

Ilana Gritzewsky was released from captivity more than a year ago, but with her partner and dozens of other Israeli hostages still held in Gaza, her fight is far from over.

"My soul is still there," Gritzewsky, 31, told AFP in an interview at the Tel Aviv headquarters of an Israeli campaign group pressing for a deal to rescue captives seized during Hamas's attack on October 7, 2023.

Recounting the horrors of the unprecedented attack on southern Israel that triggered the Gaza war, and the abuses she had suffered in captivity, Gritzewsky said she cannot rest until her partner, Matan Zangauker, is back.

In December, Palestinian militant group Hamas released a video of Zangauker, 25, who was abducted along with Gritzewsky from their home in Nir Oz, a kibbutz community near the Gaza border.

Seeing the Hamas video of her hostage partner "took me back to my period of captivity", said Gritzewsky, recalling "the screams, the voices, the smells, the fear, and the helplessness".

The couple were among 251 people seized by militants during the October 7 attack, 94 of whom remain in the war-battered Gaza Strip including 34 the Israeli military says are dead.

Gritzewsky was one of 105 hostages released during a one-week truce in November 2023, the only pause in fighting so far.

Since then, she has joined rallies organised by the Hostages and Missing Families Forum, urging the Israeli government to secure the release of the remaining captives.

"I'm broken, but I saw my partner alive in a video a month ago. If he can hold on in captivity, how can I not get up every morning and fight for him?" said Gritzewsky.

She said her health has deteriorated even though "I have been free for over 400 days."

"So for those who have been in Gaza for more than 460 days now, what state they must be in?"

With international mediation efforts again appearing to inch closer towards a Gaza truce and hostage release deal in recent days, Gritzewsky called for an "immediate" resolution.

- 'Daily hell' -

Mexican-born Gritzewsky, who immigrated to Israel alone at age 16, said the abuses she had suffered in the hands of her captors keep haunting her.

"I was sexually harassed during the abduction" and "still suffer from the consequences", she said, her voice trembling.

Gritzewsky said she lost 11 kilograms (24 pounds) during her nearly two months in captivity.

"I also endured abuse. I was burned, lost partial hearing in my left ear, and dislocated my jaw," she said.

But with her partner still not back, Gritzewsky said she has struggled to "start any rehabilitation".

Another freed Israeli hostage, Luis Har, has turned to dance to process his trauma, but said he was "not the same man" after 129 days in captivity.

It was a "daily hell," said Har, who was abducted from Nir Yitzhak kibbutz and will turn 72 next month.

Israeli troops rescued him along with brother-in-law Fernando Merman in early 2024, but Har said he would not rest until "everyone is freed".

- Not 'more promises' -

While many hostages are held in tunnels according to the Israeli military, Har recalled being kept in an apartment in Gaza, being given a bit of pita bread a day for food, and crying at night thinking of his family back in Israel.

The moment Israeli soldiers finally reached Merman and him was "so moving", said Har.

To Har, his return home shows that "you must never give up".

"I'm not the same man, but now, the focus must be on the others, on bringing them all back."

That call has emanated from the streets of Israel's commercial hub Tel Aviv, where weekly protests have called on Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to secure the hostages' release.

Gritzewsky usually attends the rallies with her partner's mother Einav Zangauker, who has become a prominent figure in the fight for a hostage deal.

"I break a little" every time indirect negotiations between Israel and Hamas fail to produce an agreement, said Gritzewsky.

But "I remain optimistic, or else I wouldn't be able to get up in the morning", she said, demanding "action" and international pressure on both Hamas and Netanyahu.

"We don't want any more promises."